The Hardest Call to Answer

There's no other way to describe a NICU phone call during the night in any other words than terrifying. Your mind instantly races with question about why they are calling, what's wrong now, how fast can I get to the hospital, etc. Your heart starts beating faster, and you are so frightened by all the thoughts that run through your mind in a split second that it's increasingly harder and harder to breath. Your mind is taken over with fear in one ring

Luckily we've only had a few of these phone calls during our 141 days in the NICU. Last night's phone call was no exception to the all consuming fear of the phone ringing. I had gone to bed early since I take the 4 am shift with Abby. The phone rang at exactly 11:37 pm, and in one ring I had the phone in my hand and was saying hello. One of the practitioners had called to let us know that our sweet Emma, who never follows the NICU rules, had extubated herself. They weren't planning on removing the tube until today so they could keep her a bit more sedated with morphine (just to help with pain). The morphine can interfere with breathing since it tends to relax the patient so much so they like to keep her intubated until they can decrease the dosage. The NNP let us know that she was doing great. At that moment Emma's O2 sats were 100% on room air, and she was sucking on her pacifier. She informed us that if Emma had any bradys or apnea spells that they were prepared to give her caffeine to help wake her up some so she could breath on her own better. We called at 5 am, and it seems that Emma is a rock star and hasn't needed any interventions at this point. She is a bit fussy when she wakes up, but she is able to be soothe and go back to sleep. The NICU calls when they feel there is something they believe the parents need to be informed about whether it's bad or good. I am so thankful that the phone call was a good one (in my eyes), because when that phone rang I could only think of the worst thing possible.

I know this email has been long, but I have to give a big thank you out to our nurse yesterday. I don't like to use names so I'll just call her Nurse Lee. She volunteered to work yesterday only if she could take Emma to surgery. Surgery patients aren't much fun, because there is so much to do, and the docs like you to arrive to the OR on time. She had so many orders (meds, IVs, etc) to do before leaving the NICU. She even had an emotional and crazy mother to deal with. How much more stress could she take?? She handled it all like a pro. Thank you!! It always comforts me to know that someone who really cares about Emma is with her while we can't be. This is the second nurse to volunteer to take her to surgery. The first time it was Nurse Lotte. What a wonderful staff!! Over the course of these past 141 days we have been blessed to meet some amazing people.

Okay, I must end. Abby has only given me a short window to blog, and now my time is up. Thanks for the continued support. You all mean so much to us.