Wrapped around my finger

Today the girls are doing average. I say average because when I say good or great there is only one way to go and that is down. So from now on, I don't care if they are doing spectacular, they are doing "average". That way there will be room for improvement.

Emma gained some weight last night (20 grams) but she is still peeing for all she is worth which is good. The neonatologist believes that she has a hematoma on her liver and this may be causing the decrease in her platelets that has been going on for the last couple of weeks. They did another head ultrasound and abdominal ultrasound today, and we should know results by tomorrow. Today they had to give her more platelets and blood because both of her counts were down. However, she is doing "average" enough that they are looking at doing her surgery this Wednesday afternoon. We are hopeful and scared at the same time. We want her to get better by closing off the pda, and yet we are scared of surgery on our little angel.

Today I reached into Emma's incubator and held her hand. Her fingers squeezed around my finger. I held her like that for a couple of minutes and when I tried to pull my hand away, she squeezed me harder, almost like she didn't want to let me go. That tug on my finger sent a tug to my heart strings. How can I be a dad to my little girls when I can only look in from the outside? How can I connect with my little angel by just reading charts and records? That touch told me how. I am the proud father of two little girls struggling for their lives.

I read the charts and doctors reports now instead of asking the nurse how the girls are doing. I understand blood gas numbers and UFR's (urine output), pH, blood glucose levels, potassium levels, heart rates, PEEP's (ventilator pressure),T-waves (heart measurements), and TPN (IV fluids). I never knew there was so much to know about a child's care. I soak it up like a sponge because it helps me get a real insight into the choices that are made about my babie's care.

Abigail lost 20 grams and they are going to increase her calories that she is taking in by adding 2 calories per 8 ml of milk. Hopefully this will help her gain weight. It's very strange to be praying for one child to loose weight and turn right around and ask for weight gain for her twin sister. Abigail's ventilator settings went back up a little bit because her blood gases weren't as good as they have been. So she is doing "average".